Our Ethiopian Adoption Journey

One year since...

2012-01-29T13:03:00.002-06:00

...we passed court and Seth became ours! Wow! What an amazing moment to remember and celebrate!

Wordless Wednesday

2012-01-25T14:44:00.000-06:00

What a year...what a good good year!

2011-12-24T10:52:00.001-06:00

Happy Happy Christmas!

May 2012 bring you as much joy as 2011 has brought to us!

My very FIRST hair attempt...

2011-12-09T20:26:00.001-06:00

Seriously, I love this kid!!

2011-12-05T18:46:00.001-06:00

Wordless Wednesday

2011-11-23T07:27:00.001-06:00

Puppy love

2011-11-16T08:25:00.000-06:00

Puppy love then
(Feb 2011 - first time meeting puppy in E)

Puppy love now
(Nov 2011 - never go to bed without him)

You can never go wrong...

2011-11-08T15:59:00.004-06:00

...in a pair of daddy's shoes...

Sara October 2005

Seth October 2011

A favor for my blogging peeps...please!

2011-11-01T21:24:00.000-05:00

Adoption Options Manitoba is the VERY hard working adoption agency that helped bring both our babies home. Starting November 1st , 2011 and going until the end of this year Adoption Options will receive $5 for every Facebook “LIKE” they receive.

So PLEASE go to the Adoption Options Manitoba Facebook page and "Like" them!!!

Thank you Thank you!!!

An orca and a vampire

2011-11-01T09:08:00.003-05:00

Wordless Wednesday

2011-10-26T08:45:00.000-05:00

Wordless Wednesday

2011-10-19T12:30:00.000-05:00

The most terrible mom in the world.

2011-10-13T15:55:00.003-05:00

I will forever be known as THAT mom. THE mom that killed the family pet. Yes, I did it, I killed Sara's bird yesterday. It was a complete accident of course. How you might ask? Well...I stepped on it - we were all sitting down for dinner and it was under the dining room table (may I mention that Sara is the one that let the bird out to roam as she often does...but I digress) and as I sat down all I felt was something soft under my foot. Thank goodness the little thing did not suffer, it died within moments. The whole family watched it happen, it was awful - Sara started screaming and crying, Chad grabbed the bird and ran to the bathroom, I grabbed Sara, and Seth sat in his booster seat wonder what was happening. Sara cried all night long. I felt so horrible - like the most terrible mother in the whole world. My poor baby just cried and cried. And to make things even more heart-wrenching, Sara has been getting ready to celebrate the bird's birthday, which is next week - she's been making birthday invitations and designing a special cupcake for the bird... And all day today Seth kept pointing at the bird cage saying "Birdie all gone", I didn't even realize he knew what was going on - double guilt.

Later last evening we went through our pictures and ordered prints of the bird. I picked up the prints and bought a picture frame for Sara's room. I also got Sara a journal so she can write down her thoughts and feels. Sara shared some of what she wrote, it says "My first day the bird died was awful. It was so sad. I did not want this day to come. I feal a littal beter right now. I now want to say I love you. I am rilly sad to say I will never get to see you agen. I will miss you Chubby Cheeks. You had to pass away one day. We pray for a bird that is nice but died. We miss her from are harets. I love you 10 times."

Wordless Wednesday

2011-09-28T08:00:00.000-05:00

My daddy is pretty great too!

2011-09-17T10:35:00.000-05:00

Isn't my big sister the best?!!!

2011-09-12T19:40:00.001-05:00

7 years ago today...

2011-09-01T13:15:00.001-05:00

My entire life changed forever...

Happy Gotcha Day to my Silly Sara!

You light up my life each day as brightly as the first time we met.

THE WORST DROUGHT IN 60 YEARS

2011-08-25T11:55:00.001-05:00

Until September 16th, 2011, Canada will MATCH every dollar donated by Canadians for the East Africa Drought Relief Fund. The Canadian International Development Agency (CIDA) will allocate these funds to established Canadian and international humanitarian organizations for humanitarian assistance efforts that benefit the people affected by the drought. Read more...

So this is what happens to a little brother when...

2011-08-22T21:00:00.001-05:00

...mom is busy in the kitchen and big sister get's her hands on you. Yes that's eye shadow, lip gloss, gritter, nail polish - the works.

Attachment, Behaviour, and Parenting Siblings

2011-08-02T20:30:00.005-05:00

On attachment

So how do you know if you are doing everything possible to ensure a secure attachment with a new two-year-old family member? Good question! I have read many books and listen to many experts on the topic of securing attachment, but the bottom line, to me anyway, is that sometimes you just have to go with your gut and do whatever feels right.

Fortunately, Seth doesn't seem to be having any major attachment issues. In general, (we think) Seth is doing really well in terms of attaching. He is a very friendly boy and loves being around other people, but is always very clingy (with mommy) until he has been somewhere for a bit of time and is always looking for me when we are around other people.

We have only a couple requests when it comes to interacting with Seth – we have asked that friends and family limit themselves from picking him up (but it is certainly not off limits, just not all the time), we are the only ones to give him any food, and we are the first to respond to his if he hurts himself – otherwise, we pretty much let people do what they want.

There is no question that I often have moments of uncertainty and wonder if I’m missing something and really screwing the poor kid up. My “attachment radar” is always on, yet I try not to react and let it consume me. I often worry about how friendly he is with other people; giving hugs, waves, blowing kisses, high-fives and knuckles to everyone we come across, but at the same time he is ALWAYS looking to be sure I am close by and if he can’t see me he starts calling for me.

Seth has not had many (or any major) tantrums or meltdowns (thank goodness). And to be honest, I truly think most of (but certainly not all) the tantrums he has have more to do with being two-years-old than attachment. His attachment related (that I can tell at least) always seem to come right after his nap – he has a good cry for about 15 minutes and I just rock him in my arms until he’s done. Regardless of the kind of tantrum/meltdown he has, I usually sit with him on my lap in the teddy-bear hold (well, more like a wrestling position really), while he screams and kicks – he cries it out and then as quickly as it started, he stops and usually is smiling within minutes of it being over.

He follows me EVERYWHERE around the house. If I have to run downstairs for something, I talk to him the entire time as he stands at the top of the stairs waiting for me. I always let him know what I am doing or where I am going, which I think has helped him feel more in control. Thank goodness our family has always had open-door toilet time or else I would be in for some very surprising visits while in the bathroom – and he always waves “bye-bye pee-pee!!!"

Seth also LOVES his sling - I think it makes him feel safe - he carriers it to me and asks me to put him in it and I walk around the house with him many times a day.

On behaviour/personality

Seth is such a sweet boy. He is a loving and happy little guy. He is always smiling, giggling, and being silly – oh, he has THE best giggle, the kind you want to bottle up and save for a bad day.

He likes what he likes and lets us know when he doesn’t. We are trying to teach him about sharing and being nice/gentle – he can be very possessive of his things (as most 2-year-olds are). He has been known to hit or push when he doesn’t get something he wants – so we sit together in a “time-in” as he gives me a BIG bottom-lipped pout but he always finishes with a BIG hug.

He still LOVES cars. He loves everything about them – sitting in them, watching them, playing in them, playing with them, listening to them, touching them, etc. His number one request lately is “Mommy-yeh, beep-beep show...pees Mommy-yeh, beep-beep show” – Lightening McQueen is quite famous in our house. When I tell him we are going in the “beep-beep”, he jumps and runs and does a little happy dance by the front door. Then he races around to find his shoes and pulls at my purse on the kitchen chair. I learned the hard way (a few times) to get him, Sara, me, and everything we need ready before I tell him we are leaving the house...we have had a few meltdowns at the front door when we don’t leave NOW.

And thank goodness, we have never had an issue with getting him in his car seat – even from the first car seat ride from the airport - he helps us do up all the buckles and sometimes I even have to fight him to get him out of the car. He also has to close the car door each time he leaves the vehicle or he will stand by the car crying until we let him – cute and frustrating all at the same time.

He hates being dirty. As soon as he gets anything on his hands or feet (even water) he says “Mommy-yeh, cah-cah” and won’t move until I wipe his hands and feet.

If you need a door, fridge, cabinet, dishwasher, or toilet seat closed, I have just the little man for the job! We sometimes have to race to get things in and out of the fridge because Seth is always behind it pushing it closed – and he pushes and pushes until we let him close it. It takes me double the time to empty the dishwasher because every time I put a dish away, I have to open the dishwasher to get the next dish out. He’s such a BIG help!

On parenting siblings

“Sara, answer your brother.”
“Seth, give that back to Sara.”
“Sara, give that back to Seth.”
“Seth, don’t push Sara, be nice.”
“Sara, he’s just little, he doesn’t always understand.”
“Seth, don’t touch Sara, she wants her own space.”
“Sara, he is just trying to give you a love.”

Seth wants what Sara has - Sara wants what Seth has, but Sara gets mad when Seth copies her and Seth gets frustrated if he can’t do what Sara is doing. If Mommy is playing with Sara, Seth wants to play with Mommy – if Mommy is playing with Seth, Sara wants to play with Mommy. If Seth gets a snack, Sara wants a snack. If Sara cries, Seth cries. If Sara laughs, Seth laughs. If Sara runs, Seth runs. If Sara is on the computer, Seth wants to be on the computer. If Sara does a cartwheel...well, you get the point.

In the first few weeks of being home we had more challenges with Sara adjusting to all the changes of our new family than we did with Seth. We knew that she was going to have some difficult moments, but we weren’t expecting her to be so extreme in her behaviour – completely ignoring Seth for the most part and wanting nothing to do with anything he said or did...sometimes she would even taunt him a bit – we were definitely becoming a little concerned.

Thankfully, we have come a long way since the first few weeks. She has changed so much and has become quite the little mother (as we thought she would be). We are so proud of her and how far she has come. She certainly still has “moments”, but in general she is a really great helper and is always looking out for her baby brother. She helps us cheer when he eats his snap peas (even though she thinks it’s silly), she taught him to climb down the stairs backwards (so he wouldn’t fall), she sings “Paddy-cake” with him, she lets him watch the CARS movie (even though she would prefer to watch Wizards of Waverly Place), and the just last night she rubbed his back to help him fall asleep – so sweet. The other day Sara picked out all his clothes and got him dressed, with his diaper and all - Seth just did what she said (up, down, over, through, etc.) as she struggled to get everything on. I LOVE watching them together.

And WHY didn’t anyone tell me that adding one child will TRIPLE the work? Whoo, I just can’t believe how busy I am – and with Sara off all summer, I don’t even have time to breath most days. BUT, there is nowhere else I rather be and nothing else I rather be doing than being home with both my babies!!!!

On this and that

He HATES the sand at the beach. He screams and puts his feet by his head when we try to put him down. Thank goodness he’ll float in his tube in the water for hours.

Whenever we are around water, he is always cleaning himself – his face, his hands, his hair, his tummy – it’s the first thing he does when we go to a pool!

Anything with buttons is a telephone – he babbles and laughs to whomever he is “talking” to.

He smiles with his eyes and has the most expressive facial expressions of anyone I know. And you just wouldn’t believe how

many comments I have gotten about his great teeth (of all things).

He loves being naked, but he pooped on the deck the other day and peed in my lap, so the diaper stays on now.

He has great hair. He has locks of beautiful individual curls.

He likes doing “diaper-head” before we put his diaper on.

He loves to dance – disco style, with arm roles, his fingers up and head bopping, saying “dah-dah dah-dah dah eh!!!"

He walks with a Stevie Wonder head bob.

Eating, sleeping, potty, and communicating

2011-07-25T08:20:00.002-05:00

On eating

We go through over a box of family size Cheerio’s every week!! This kid LOVES to eat, but he is VERY picky and will only eat select foods. He’ll eat any pasta, mashed potatoes, bread, cereal, etc (can you say starchy carb attack?) and LOVES Cheerio’s and eggs. He won’t eat ANY dairy – no milk, cheese, yogurt, etc. He won’t touch most fruit and veggies – the only ones he will eat are grapes, cherries, baby carrots and snap peas. He’s not a big fan of meat, but I can sneak that into his mashed potatoes and pasta sauce.

Seth has an amazing appetite – he can eat more than me most mealtimes. Breakfast seems to be his biggest meal. He loves helping me make his eggs in the morning. He sits on the counter and watches the eggs cook – and passes me the spatula to make sure I put it on his plate as soon as it is ready. When I put it on the plate, he yells “YAAAHHH, eggy, eggy eggy, YAAAHHH!!!” It’s not uncommon for him to eat three eggs, a piece of bread, AND a bowl of cereal for breakfast!!! When we have those days, we usually have to distract him with a walk to the park to get him to stop asking for more.

We have been working on teaching him to slowdown when he is eating – he sometimes stuffs his face so fast and full that he can’t even close his mouth. When we first got home he would eat all day long, but lately he seems to be going a bit longer between snacks.

On sleeping

Seth naps everyday and sleeps through the night. One of us has to lay with him in our bed until he falls asleep, then we move him to a crib beside our bed. It can sometimes take him over an hour to fall asleep - Chad and I try to switch off, but he becomes more restless when we switch. In the first 20 minutes, Seth has discovered that if he gives me dozens of smiley wet juicy lip smacking kisses and moves my hand onto his back and tummy for me to scratch that I cannot resist this special time with him. He tosses and turns for at least 30-40 minutes before he falls asleep – you know he is about to go down because he bites on his thumbs with his molars (he actually has developed calices on his thumbs from all the biting). If we try to sneak out too soon, we have a VERY unhappy boy on our hands and double the work to get him to sleep. But once he is sleeping, he’s out for the night, phew. I've tried everything to help him get to sleep more quickly at night – cutting his nap, waking him up early in the morning, napping him earlier in the day, waking him after an hour into him nap - nothing seems to work at night, it still takes him a long time to fall asleep. So we’re just goin’ with it and enjoying our cuddle-time with him every night.

On the potty

We are not potty trained yet – and I am certainly not stress about it whatsoever, considering Sara was over three before she was fully trained and it is SO much easier when they are in diapers (no emergency bathroom runs when you’re shopping, in the car, at the park, etc.). I think Seth might be getting close though; he tells us EVERY time he is about to go, but when I try to put him on the potty, he get’s scared and says “no no no”. So we are just going with the diapers for a bit and we also look in the toilet and say bye-bye to mommy’s pee-pee from time to time.

On communicating

It’s amazing how few words you need to get your point across - Body language, gestures, and facal expressions speak for themselves. There are times that I have no idea whatsoever what Seth is saying, wanting, or needing, but in general we seem to get by. He shows me, I show him, or I just give him food – LOL.

His vocabulary is coming along very quickly. I have no idea how many Amharic words he was saying, but he is picking up new English words everyday and, for the most part, he understand everything we say to him.

Some of his first few English words included:
• Mommy-yeh
• Bye bye
• Car car
• Up
• No no no
• Daddy

Other common words (of many) that he says:
• Woo-wa (Sara)
• Puppy
• All gone (this means 'all done' too)
• Heh-woah (Hello)
• Wah-tee (water)
• Don’t touch
• Pee (please)
• Eggy
• Nag-woo (thank you)
• Shoes
• Nice
• Sue (swing)
• Two, tee (I say “one” and he follows)
• I la loo (I love you)
• Baby

Amharic words we (and he) always use (these are how they sound):
• Tenya (sleep)
• Koy (wait)
• Wooha (water)
• She –she (It’s OK)
• Dapo (bread)
• Bila – (eat)
• Ah-tee (bring/I want)
• Na (come)

More to come soon (it took me a week to write this one - LOL)...

CBC follow up on our family

2011-07-23T11:57:00.005-05:00

CBC did a follow up on our family since the bankruptcy. We were on the English news of about 10 seconds, but the French CBC did an article and longer segment. If you scroll to the bottom of the article you can view the video coverage too.
http://www.radio-canada.ca/regions/manitoba/2011/07/22/005-suivi-adoption-faillite.shtml

You can also translate the French article - here it is in English (the translation is a little off, but the gist is there):

Successful adoption despite bankruptcy

Two years after the adoption agency Imagine, based in Ontario, declared bankruptcy, a Manitoba family was able to adopt a little boy in Ethiopia.

The wait was longer because of financial woes of the agency, but the families are welded to complete their adoption file.

The 200 families across the country doing business with this agency have voted unanimously to bail out and pay Imagine each $ 4,000, said Laura Morrison, the mother of the little Seth, 2 years, arrived in Manitoba in June.

Chad and Laura Morrison were able to give a little brother to Sara, age 7, adopted in Manitoba when she was two months. For the father of two children, adoption in Canada was more simple than abroad. After the failure of the agency, they faced the recurring changes of the law in Ethiopia before becoming legal parents of the little Seth, said Chad Morrison.

Laura met her son on his first trip to Ethiopia last November. She could spend half an hour with him before her second trip in June with her husband and family back in Canada.

Today, the happiness of Morrison is at its peak and they expect no refund and no condemnation of the leaders of Imagine.

Last April, the accusations of fraud and embezzlement were filed against two former executives of the agency Imagine adoption.

My mom's first blog comment...I love you too!

2011-07-22T14:50:00.000-05:00

I am Laura’s mom, and I have read every word that was ever posted on this blog. Today’s pictures warm my heart in a way that cannot be explained. Seth has come home and my joy is complete!

For so long we waited, prayed, cried and hoped for this day.

I am so grateful to everyone who gave their support along the way. Family, friends, co-workers and sometimes people we barely knew offered their prayers and support. I was overwhelmed by the goodness and caring of those around.

…but mostly I have been so proud of the woman you have been throughout this journey Laura. You and Chad have been the most amazing couple through all of this. Your determination to bring home your son never faltered even in the darkest hours. Both dad and I are so proud of you, and so grateful for the gift you have given to us…our last and lucky seventh grandchild. We will forever treasure the miracles of both Sara and Seth.

Love,
Mom xoxo
Couldn't have done it without you mom - love you too...

My mom's lucky (and final) seven

2011-07-21T20:33:00.006-05:00

From left to right: Bradon (14), Sara (7), Ella (6), Seth (2), Cole (9), Linda (6), and Miles (1)

Leah (my older sister) has two, Cole and Ella

Michelle (my younger sister) has three, Bradon, Linda, and Miles

And mine of course are Sara and Seth

Referralversary

2011-07-16T20:00:00.000-05:00

One year ago we saw his face for the first time.

Then...

and now.

Wordless Wednesday (cuz it's the only kind of post I have time for lately)

2011-07-13T10:45:00.002-05:00

Eastern Africa in Crisis

2011-07-11T19:45:00.000-05:00

http://www.ctv.ca/CTVNews/TopStories/20110711/ethiopia-food-aid-drought-110711/

http://www.cnn.com/2011/WORLD/africa/07/08/east.africa.drought/index.html

What we all can do to help?

http://humanitariancoalition.ca

http://www.oxfam.ca/news-and-publications/news/oxfam-launches-emergency-appeal-east-africa-food-crisis

Happy Canada Day

2011-07-04T14:10:00.000-05:00

What I learned about my 2-year-old in just a few short weeks

2011-06-29T13:55:00.003-05:00

He LOVES watching cars drive by. When we were at the Guesthouse in Ethiopia he would stand on the balcony and watch for cars - if we were in our room, he was there.

He LOVES brushing his teeth - his record is 30 minutes of straight bushing. And look at that smile, doesn't it show.

He LOVES his "Mommy-yeh" (that's the way a child says mother with affection). He has attached so well. He prefers me over anyone and clings to me when people come around. He also refuses to feed himself. I have to hand feed him everything. He won't even take a bit of something from my hand, I have to break off a piece and put it in his mouth. And sometimes he is as specific as me using one hand over the other. Oyh, mealtimes are very long and mommy always eats last :(

Although he prefers mommy, he sure loves daddy too!

He thinks that his sister is not so bad either...

He LOVES stickers.

It is almost impossible to get a picture of him without him doing this...

The one I've been waiting for...

2011-06-22T19:54:00.001-05:00

Then...

and now.

The first few hours

2011-06-21T09:00:00.002-05:00

We arrived in Ethiopia late Saturday evening - we crashed for a few hours and then a combination of adrenalin, excitement, nerves, and jet-lag got us through the first couple hours before meeting Seth. This is us Sunday morning - waiting...

The drive to the Transition Home from our Guesthouse was only about 10 minutes. We kept saying to each other "OMG, I can't believe this is actually happening!" (we said that a lot over the last couple weeks). This was our first glimpse of Seth.

It took Seth about 30 minutes to warm up to us. You can see in these pictures the gradual progression of him warming up to us.

And then he let us each hold him - he of course came to mommy first :).

Then he really started to show his beautiful personality.

They made coffee for us too...

Then it was time for all the caregivers to say good-bye to their sweet Biruk and for us to be on our way to our forever family.

Seth had just as an emotional day as we did; within less than 5 minutes (no exaggeration) of us being back at the Guesthouse he had fallen fast asleep in my arms.

WE 4

2011-06-19T05:00:00.000-05:00

Diapers, wipes, and sippy cups - oh my!

2011-06-09T18:45:00.002-05:00

So last night I went SHOPPING for all our essentials for Seth. Well, holy cow do toddlers come with a whole lot of crap! I had completely forgotten all the things you need to lug around for a toddler. BUT, I had a BLAST shopping!!!

While I was shopping I think it all finally fit me. Touching all these tagible items for Seth was making everything feel so much more REAL!! I almost started crying in front of the diapers - not sure whether it was the fact that I was buying diapers for my son or that I was so overwhelmed with the selection...

We are all packed and SOOOOOOOO ready to go! I will check in if I can.

Take care and blessings to EVERYONE who has supported us through this VERY long journey. We have felt ALL the love and could not have done this without you!!

Almost...almost DONE!!!

Until we are 4...

OMG OMG OMG VISA VISA VISA

2011-06-07T17:00:00.000-05:00

OUR VISA HAS BEEN ISSUED - WE LEAVE ON FRIDAY TO BRING OUR SON HOME!!!!

We are in shock and completely freaking out...

Our visa was issued within 8 days of arriving in Nairobi - I think we had a angel helping to make this happen!

More to come!

The many faces of Seth!

2011-06-01T11:30:00.009-05:00

"Ya, so what? So I drool a little from time to time. What's it to you? I'm only 2-years-old and it is perfectly normal for children my age to drool. Besides, I'm cute no matter what I'm doing!"

"Ya, I'm a little stinker and proud of it. I going to give my mommy and daddy a run for their money! They think I'm pretty darn cute, but I got LOTS of personality to go along with ALL my cuteness. Just wait until I can show them all I got!"

"Seriously people, I didn't do it. I didn't do anything, I swear. Would this face lie? Come on now, does this look like the face of someone who could EVER do anything wrong?"

"Really? You're going to look at all my cuteness and just leave, just like that - without even one little comment - Do you really want me to sit here all day waiting for you?"

A very special thank you to Alicia and Sharon for taking time out in Ethiopia with their own sons to spend a little time with mine! They were able to capture some very special pictures+ and provide us with comfort about how well he is doing and being cared for. This gift they gave us is more valuable than gold - I will forever be grateful.

"DELIVERED"

2011-05-30T12:00:00.007-05:00

According to the courier tracking information, our documents arrived in Nairobi at 9:13am this morning and were signed by "James".

We are officially waiting for Seth's visa. FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY!!!! Did I say FINALLY!?!?!

I have decided to go into this final wait with no expectations...we just feel so grateful that we have gotten to this point that asking for anything more just seems selfish. Seth's visa will come when it is ready and that is when we will be ready too...NOT - I will be obsessed, consumed, fixated, etc. every second of every day until that phone rings. We have waited long enough and I don't want to wait a second longer. We want him home NOW!

I have had several people ask me "So when do you THINK you will be going?", unfortunately, I haven't the slightest idea and can't even begin to guess - the problem is that the only thing predictable about visa time lines is that they are completely unpredictable. Last October visas took up to 5 months to be issued, in December they were coming within 3 weeks, in April it was back up to over 3 months, and most recently it was approximately 2-5 weeks.

Let me hear ya - VISA VISA VISA!!!! COME ON VISA!!!!

Our baby is 2-years-old today!

2011-05-28T08:00:00.008-05:00

It has been almost 11 months since we first saw Seth's beautiful face. We were certain that we would be celebrating his second birthday with him at home. We have watched him grow from a baby to a boy through pictures... And on this special day, instead of giving him birthday cuddles, we are blowing kisses to him from across the ocean.

We may not be with him today, but that is not going to stop us from celebrating his birthday! Sara and I are about to make very special birthday cupcakes, and Sara's instructions are very clear for the decorating - "The cupcakes will have LOTS of candy hearts on them so Seth knows how much we love him. And I'll eat two cupcakes, one for me and one for Seth - I think he would want me to do that for him, right?"

WE LOVE YOU BIRTHDAY BOY!

SOON BABY SOON!

BACK ON TRACK - Pinch me please!

2011-05-20T11:55:00.003-05:00

We are officially BACK ON TRACK! Pinch me please!

We received a very surprising and amazing message last week, telling us that the letter we had been waiting for since January had been issued and that we could finally apply for Seth's birth certificate and passport. Our agency had exhausted all their "friendly" options of retrieving this letter over the past several months, so we were left with no choice and had hired a lawyer and were preparing our case to be filed in Ethiopian high court. So this news was truly a shock - a great big amazing shock!! We don't know what or why the letter was finally issued now after all these months, but to be honest, all that matters is that it was.

After everything that has happened over the past few months, we have been a little gun-shy about announcing any milestones too soon. BUT now that we know FOR SURE that ALL of Seth's documents are in the right hands, we are able to do a little happy dance to celebrate the final wait to bring our son home. We found out today that the last of Seth's documents were finally issued and ready to be sent for his visa to be finalized.

GET READY NAIROBI - CUZ HERE WE COME!!!!

Adoption Magazine

2011-05-20T08:03:00.001-05:00

Check out Adoption Magazine and you could win!!! I might even have a post or two published...

Very serious beep-beep loving boy!

2011-05-13T16:00:00.010-05:00

My wonderful, amazing friend was able to kiss my baby for me this week!! And sent me this note:

He is walking! He is super healthy! He is really big - in a sturdy, strong type of way :). He was babbling words in Amharic. They say he is very serious. He loves cars and he likes Solomon-the-driver because he drives the van! He says "beep-beep" for the word 'car'.

Look at my very serious beep-beep loving boy! Oh man, do I ever love him!!!

I NEED him HOME - like right NOW!!!

Guess how much I love you?

2011-05-02T18:00:00.001-05:00

I love you THIS much! Or it could also be - "Guess how long I have been waiting? - This long!"

And a cute little smile for you too!

I think I'm still learning...

2011-04-27T10:00:00.005-05:00

After A While Poem
by Veronica Shoftsall

After awhile you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents are not promises
And you begin to accept your defeat with your head up
and your eyes open,
with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child.

And you learn to build your roads on today
because tomorrows ground is too uncertain for plans
After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers,
And you learn that you really can endure
that you really are strong
And that you really do have worth,
And you learn and you learn,
with every good-bye - you learn.

The results may surprise you...or not.

2011-04-26T19:55:00.007-05:00

So adoption is a very touchy subject for me these days - in other words, I rather NOT touch the subject... So instead I thought I'd post about something far less sensitive - politics...HAHA

I am certainly not going to get into my various views and beliefs - and if I'm being perfectly honest, I am far from politically savvy, but I do care about the general direction of things; so I thought I would pass on this interesting survey I found on the CBC website called Vote Compass. It is an online tool aimed at engaging Canadians in party platforms and policies. When you're done, Vote Compass produces a graph showing your electoral position. You'll see which party is closest to your views — and which is furthest away. And if you are really not into politics, I could see this being a useful overview of many of the "hot top" areas.

Go to Vote Compass to check it out. The results might surprise you...or not. Mine were pretty spot on, but Chad was a bit surprised at his results!

My next post will be on the topic of religion - anything to avoid that "other" subject... :) :) :)

I wish I could tell all of you in this post...

2011-04-10T20:00:00.006-05:00

...that we received the “positive outcome” we were told to expect.

...that all the problems we have been experiencing with Seth’s adoption have been resolved.

...that we finally have Seth’s birth certificate and passport ready to go to Nairobi.

...that Seth is, 100% undoubtedly, coming home.

...that we can finally breathe again, live again, and just be again.

...that I will have my son in my arms soon.

...that everything we have endured over the past few months is now behind us.

...but I cannot and I don’t know if or when I will ever be able to...

It truly pains me to have to tell anyone that we are still in limbo and that NO ONE can tell me that everything is going to be OK. It hurts just to breathe sometimes. It hurts to think about my sweet boy and wonder if I will ever hold him again. It hurts to know that their are people who don't think we are good enough...that really hurts.

I often find myself wandering around in my own thoughts, trying to rationalize and make sense of everything that is happening - it can be all consuming some days. I want to scream out like an angry child "IT'S NOT FAIR. IT'S NOT FAIR. IT'S NOT FAIR. WHY? WHY? WHY?...", but there are things that happen in life that will never be explained. I want to believe that everything happens for a reason. I want to believe that this is all part of a bigger plan. It's just so hard to believe in anything sometimes.

We don't know when or if this will end, or what is going to happen or how, BUT I do know that my boy, MY SON needs us to keep fighting - for him, for this family, for what is right. So I will...for as long as necessary.

They stole so much more...

2011-04-09T12:45:00.003-05:00

See the latest news on the Imagine bankruptcy at: Globe and Mail; CTV News Toronto (video); Winnipeg Free Press; Waterloo Recorder; Cambridge Now; Cambridge Times; and Guelph Mercury. For more background about what happened check out this post from last summer.

We have waited for this day for a long time, yet it seems so inconsequential give the magnitude and impact they left behind for so many families. Sue and Rick Hayhow caused more hurt and pain than they could ever really pay for. They did so much more than steal money – they stole hopes and dreams and wishes - they stole time and memories and celebrations – they stole innocence and integrity and sincerity of the adoption experience. The sadness and devastation they caused has left permanent scares for many people that may never heal.

I am not angry – I am disappointed and saddened by their actions. Consumed with greed and preying on vulnerability – how much more pathetic can someone really be?

I wonder what they are feeling about everything that has happened. I wonder if they have any regrets (besides getting caught). I wonder if they even believe they did anything wrong. I wonder if they feel any compassion whatsoever. I wonder what they would say to me if I were face to face with them. I wonder...

Confession Friday - Vegas Edition

2011-04-08T12:15:00.003-05:00

I confess that we went to see “O” and it was by far my favorite Cirque du Soleil I have seen. It was amazing - I just can't believe how they used the water in the show. Highly recommended!!!

I confess that I don’t understand why anyone would pay to have their picture taken with a fat man wearing a bra and fishnet stockings.

I confess that we went for dinner on Wednesday evening (in Utah - we were there for Chad’s work conference after Vegas) and the waitress asked to see my ID after I ordered a drink – well, I almost hugged her. But then I thought I must be dreaming and said “Oh, you must be required to ask everyone for ID?” AND she replied “No, only anyone under 30.” DID YOU HEAR THAT???? UNDER 30!!!! Not bad, hey? Not bad at all.

I confess that I wonder how much those workers get paid handing out the sex cards all night long. I can still hear the clicking of the cards in my head.

I confess that I was so temped to call one of the numbers on the sex cards, just to see if the woman in the picture is the same one in person.

I confess that I am a cheap gambler. I only like playing the nickel slots, but most times I had to settle with the quarter slots cuz the nickel slots were really hard to find AND when I finally found them, they were surrounded by old ladies…

I confess that I am SOOOO addicted to tea. I actually planned my entire day around where I could find hot water. Yes, all I need is hot water cuz I ALWAYS carry tea bags in my purse - I never leave home without them!

I confess that Chad and I sat by the hotel pool one afternoon and I ordered one of those “OMG, who would order that ridiculously over sided gluttonous” slushy drinks and I drank the WHOLE thing. It was SOOOOOOO yummy!

I confess that even though I was asked for ID, I'm not so young anymore - my poor feet are killing me from all the walking we did. BUT I refused to wear sneakers when I got dressed up in the evening; despite the cramping and blistered feet, I still chose fashion over comfort.

I confess that I ate and ate and ate and ate ALL week long...I refuse to put myself on the scale until next week.

I confess that it was so strange having people smoking around us in the casinos. I have definitely become a smoke snob and we would move if someone was smoking too close to us.

I confess that I had the BEST steak dinner of my entire life at the Mon Ami Gabi at the Paris Hotel overlooking the Bellagio fountain.

I confess that we only took 4 pictures while we were in Vegas, and two of them were in the last couple hours cuz we were feeling so bad for not taking any.

Confession Friday, April 1

2011-04-01T07:00:00.006-05:00

I confess that it is April fools and I can't think of any good tricks to play on Chad.

I confess that we were told that we would likely hear good news by the end of last week, BUT it is the end of a NEW week and we are STILL waiting...GRRRRRRRRR.

I confess that I NEED this snow to just GO AWAY! Come on already, ENOUGH!

I confess that on most nights I go to bed between 8-9pm. I love love love sleeping. And if I don't get my sleep I am literally nonfunctional the next day. It excites me when Sara has a playdate or birthday party on a Saturday afternoon, cuz all I can think about is my wonderful glorious restful nap.

I confess that we went to see the Watoto African Children's Choir last weekend and we enjoyed them so much.

I confess that my nephew didn't know whether to laugh or cry when he saw our bird. This is his laugh-cry face.

I confess that my confessions are pretty pathetic this week.

Our 22 month old munchkin

2011-03-26T12:15:00.002-05:00

And what exactly is our little man up to these days...

He likes playing with toys that move.
His favor foods are injera and spaghetti.
He's not walking yet, but almost.
He has a 2 hour nap everyday.
He can say a few words.
He gained 2 lbs this month and is now 26 lbs.

BUT, he sometimes hits the other children while playing :( (I guess we will have to work on that when he gets home)...so I've titled the following picture "Trouble" - Seth "don't mess with me" Morrison!

Confession Friday, March 25

2011-03-25T07:00:00.006-05:00

I confess that I asked Sara the other day how old she thought I was. She thought for a moment and said "65?" - "NO, that's how old Grandma is!" - "OK, then maybe you're like 50?" I stopped the conversation at that point...

I confess that I PVRed the final episode of Hannah Montana so we (OK fine, so "I") wouldn't miss it. When Sara and I were watching, Sara got bored halfway through and went to her room to play. I kept calling to her "Sara, come back and finish watching!" - because sitting with a six-year-old and enjoying a children's show just seems much better than watching it alone.

I confess that our refrigerator has become the "Shrine of Seth" over the passed few months. I literally have no more magnets to hold up his pictures. Sara said the other day "We're going to take those down when Seth comes home, right? We keep ALL those on the fridge only because he is not home yet, right mom?"

I confess that Sara was looking through her "birds and bees" book, called "It's Not the Stork" (great book by the way), the other day and said "Look at this, I know that is the testicles" as she pointed with confidence to the umbilical cord of the newborn??? Clearly her brother is not home yet. I think I should probably read that book WITH her again.

I confess that I can't stand it when parents call genitals by nicknames. A nose is a nose. An arm is an arm. A toe is a toe. And a vagina is a vagina. What the hell is a foo-foo, front bum, pee-pee, too-too, hoo-ha, wee-wee, la-la, ya-ya, ding-ding, nu-nu, pee-wee, cha-cha, whoo-whoo, etc... Come on people, seriously, read these names and tell me they don't sound absolutely ridiculous. V-A-G-I-N-A and P-E-N-I-S, say it with me, they aren't bad words.

I confess that we were told this week that things are looking "positive"... yet a WHOLE batch of families have just passed us by yet AGAIN. I just want to cry.

I confess that Seth's update pictures should be coming today or Monday. YIPPEE!!!!

I confess that I'm becoming a little bored with blogging lately. I'm just feeling kind of blah and don't have much adoption news to talk about these days - well, I guess I could go on and on and on about the continuous and agonizing waiting and unknowns, but I'm not here to torture you.

I confess that everyone needs to check out my fellow bloggers new website Adoption Magazine. It is an online source for information, support, and encouragement to those whose lives have been touched by adoption. AND keep an eye out, a few of my posts will be featured in the magazine too!

I confess that I LOVE Keen shoes. I have had one pair of shoes for a while and just got a new pair of sandals for my birthday and I am itching to wear them this summer. These are two pairs that I have.

Confession Friday, March 18

2011-03-18T07:00:00.003-05:00

I confess that I have an opportunity to send Seth another care package with a friend who will traveling (VERY SOON I hope) to pick up her sweet boy and bring him home. I am completely stumped - what do we send our 2-year-old son? I plan on sending a few more pictures of our family, but have no idea whatsoever what else to send our special boy - a toy, a book, a puzzle, art supplies??? It needs to be small and light-weight for my friend to travel with. HELP!!!! What would you send if you had a 2-year-old son living in Ethiopia????????

I confess that I am CRAZY busy at work right now.

I confess that I sometimes get sad and jealous when I see SO many people passing us by in this adoption journey. Of course I am also happy for everyone at every point along the way - referral, passing court, documents to Nairobi, visa, travel - BUT it's sometimes just so hard to take when we have been waiting for so long, have so many unanswered questions, and still have no end in sight (or if there is an end at all). I know everyone has their own hurtles and crosses to bare, but it is hard not feel a bit sorry for myself and sometimes wish that it was us instead of them - Does that make me an awful person?

I confess that my grandma was the most hilarious senior, but only after she hit about 85 years. She was pretty quick in her old age (up until the last couple years at least). As a teenager I used to die of embarrassment by some of the things she would say to me, and in front of my boyfriend of all people... I look back now and I just howl at the thought. One of my favorites was the last thing she would say to you before she said good-bye - "If you can't be good...be careful" (this coming from my Roman Catholic grandmother). Another good one was when I took her from lunch to Boston Pizza and while she was looking at the menu she said "Oh well, will you look at that, a nooner (pizza). That's what your grandfather used to come home for in the middle of the afternoon." AHHHH, STOP, you're burning my ears.

I confess that Chad picked up our new armoire this week - I love it!!! But that's not the confession. When he went to pick it up he went to the back door of the store to load it in the van. One of the girls working there opened the big garage door and said she would be back soon and began to close the door. As she was walking away Chad slipped inside to stay warm before the door closed. As he was standing there waiting he overheard the girl say to her co-worker "OMG, you have to see the guy who is here picking up. He's sooooo cute!!!!" Well, OMG is right - talk about stroking an ego that does not need anymore stroking. He of course came straight home and told me while he literally strutted like a chicken while telling me the story. Oh please...

I confess that I am sooooo looking forward to our Vegas trip next month - I so need to get out of my own head.

I confess that spring cannot come fast enough. GO snow GO!!!

I confess that I NEVER answer the phone when I'm at home. The phone will be sitting right next to me and if I don't recognize the number (and even sometimes when I do), I just let it ring - Chad will jump up and run across the room before I'll reach over and answer it. Chad has accepted this about me and doesn't even question who will answer the phone, he knows it's him. AND if and when I do answer it, it is certain that the conversation will be a short one. IF you have had the opportunity to talk to me on the phone for more than five minutes consider yourself very special. Same goes with answering the door...even when I know who it is.

I confess that it takes me over a week to adjust to daylight savings - in the fall and spring. This goes for time changes when I travel too. In fact, I usually stay on MY time when travelling, then I don't have to adjust to a new time. I leave my watch on MY time and I always have to count to see what time it is whereever I am. However, this did not work in Ethiopia with the 9 hour time difference...

Confession Friday, March 11

2011-03-11T07:00:00.006-06:00

I confess that I have moved from my level 2 stress ("Oh that hit me across the back of the head and I didn't even see it coming and the thought of eating makes me ill") into my level 1 stress ("Oh that really ticks me off and I can't stop thinking about it so I'm going to eat my face off and maybe that will make it go away") over the past month and I have gained back all my level 2 stress weight loss, plus a couple more...

I confess that our son has been in institutional care for over 18 months. It has been almost 8 months since our referral and 6 weeks since we passed court and THERE IS NO END IN SIGHT. The ONLY person who is paying the price for unnecessary delays is our sweet precious son.

I confess that I need a distraction. I HAVE to get my mind off this adoption madness. Any suggestions? Maybe with my first confession a good idea might be to get my ass back on the treadmill.

I confess that I sometimes bring all of Seth's pictures up onto my computer screen and magnify each one really big so I can study each and every speck of him up close.

I confess that Sara passed her swimming this week and I was absolutely shocked - I had even been preping Sara for the bad news for weeks, saying "Did you try your best at swimming?"..."Well, that's all that matters to daddy and I!" So when she showed me her swimming report and badge, I didn't say "Way to go! Good for you!", instead I said "WHAT? You passed? I can't believe it! Are you sure? Did he give you the right report card?" - probably not one of my proudest mom moments.

I confess that I have never taken my wedding rings off for over 12 years (well, OK, I probably have at some point, but I can't remember when that would have been). BUT last weekend I developed a small rash under my ring - red and itchy. HMMM?? I took my rings off for the weekend and the rash got better, so I put them back on for work on Monday. By Monday afternoon the rash had gotten worse than before (so I of course took the rings off again). It is now Friday and the rash is still there...???

Speaking of rings...

I confess that I lost my first engagement ring after two weeks of Chad giving it to me. AND even worse, the diamond was passed down from my Great Aunt - talk about guilt. When it happened, we were at Chad's parents cabin (or "cottage" as Janice would say ;)) and I was wearing it at one point and then I wasn't... - lake, sand, or garbage are my guesses. So for over a month I was ringless while my new ring was being made - it was hard when people were congratulating us and the first thing they would ask was "Let's see THE ring?" By the time I got the second ring our engagement had already become old news...

And since we're still on the topic of wedding rings...

I confess that my wedding rings were featured on an ad card with the photographer we used for our wedding - pretty cool, I think at least. No one knows it us, but we do!

Confession Friday, March 4

2011-03-04T07:00:00.004-06:00

I confess that I have not been in the mood for confessions lately.

I confess I have a big zit on the top of my lip and it is killing me...ouch!

I confess that it is my birthday tomorrow and I am turning 37. Am I still in my mid-30s or do I have to say that I am in my late-30s now? Double ouch!! No plans and that's OK by me, just want to be home with my fam. And I'm sure everyone can guess what my birthday wish will be...

I confess that Chad calls me "Big Bird" - for my height...and my big nose :) - and surprisingly this is a complement to me!!

I confess that we found out this week that Seth has the Chicken Pox. Poor little man. I wish I was the one cuddling him and rubbing calamine lotion on all his itchy bumps.

I confess that Chad and I had a dishwasher-emptying stand off last week and I finally lost after four days, I couldn't stand it anymore. I emptied it and then I filled it up with all the dishes sitting on top of the counter, THEN had to emptied it AGAIN the same day...

I confess that I was a bit disappointed that no one commented on my last two posts. Don't get me wrong, I don't think anyone owes me a comment, I've just come to expect at least a couple comments from my peeps...does that make me a blog snob???

I confess that Sara and I went to see the new Justin Bieber movie Never Say Never, and I really liked it. That kid really does have talent and determination. OH MAN, I've been "Biebered" and I didn't even see it coming...

I confess that, reluctantly and slowly, we have started working on Seth's bedroom - the theme is "The World", with green, orange, blue, and grey colors, but nothing too fancy.

I confess that I am getting as sick and tired as you are having to listen to our constant adoption drama as I am having to live it. When will it END so we can just be "normal"? It has been 5 weeks since we passed court and still no news about our documents. I liked what my friend said the other day - we ARE "The Song That Doesn't End" and just as annoying.

I confess that I remember watching this show when I was a child. I loved that Lamb Chop. I guess I really am 37!!!

Laughter is contagious.

2011-03-02T08:30:00.004-06:00

Sara and I were driving to work/school the other day and heard this on the radio. We both could not help but laugh along too - laughter really is contagious. There is no better therapy than a good laugh...enjoy.

Yes, ALL the donations were delivered!!!!

2011-03-01T08:00:00.001-06:00

I had the privilege of delivering ALL the donations we collected to three orphanages in Ethiopia.

Kingdom Vision International (KVI) is the orphanage where Seth lived. KVI has three locations: Addis Ababa, Adama (Nazareth) and Wolaita. The picture on their homepage is the court yard of KVI Addis. I brought donations with me to KVI Adama, about 200 km south of Addis, when I met Seth.

Faya Orphanage (and Vulnerable Children Society) supports children with and without HIV. Faya is located in Adama and the orphanage is home to children abandoned due to poverty or relinquished by loving families who could not provide for their children, and is the permanent home of many children living with HIV/AIDS. Faya also supports a House 2 House community program, which provides care to children and families affected by AIDS/HIV in the community. My favor moment at Faya was when we were about to leave and two little twin boys, about 3-years-old, were playing in the van we came in and they refused to get out of the van - They were having so much fun pretending to drive. Finally, they had to be carried off in protest. They were so sweet - I wanted to let them play in there all afternoon.

AHOPE for Children is an orphanage located in Addis Ababa that serves children infected with HIV. Many of the children are adopted by families in the United States and some to Spain. I went with the other Imagine families I met and we were able to play and interact with the children for quite some time. We brought along candy for the children, which made us all BIG hits!!! My favor moment was when I showed the children pictures of Seth, Chad, and Sara - I was literally swarmed by children, all wanting to look at and hold the pictures. They would point to each picture and say "Chad-Canada. Sara-Canada. Biruk-Ethiopia." over and over as they examined each photo. It was a lot of fun! I have many pictures from AHOPE, but unfortunately I am unable to share them publicly; but I thought this one couldn't hurt - it was my favorite time with all the kids when we were looking at the pictures...

He isn't, but I am.

2011-02-25T14:00:00.001-06:00

Seth isn't smiling, but I did when I saw his update pictures this morning!!! Seth is 21 months old on Monday and looking more like a little man everyday. I miss him and love him so much.
We have come upon another bump along the way to bring Seth home. We thought we were "in the clear" and had hoped that Seth's paperwork would be on its way to Nairobi to begin the final countdown in this endless journey. But we learned last week that we have a few more obstacles to overcome - and yes, this has everything to do with our unique court experience. We have no idea how or when things will be back on track. We pray and hope for a quick resolution and will continue dreaming about the day Seth is safely home and in our arms forever.

Things I had only seen in pictures...

2011-02-22T09:00:00.002-06:00

Where some call "home".

Getting from here to there.

Proud beautiful faces. Mother and child.
Making a living.

Around Addis

2011-02-22T08:59:00.000-06:00

A few more shots I wanted to post...

The Moms (Alicia, me and Cathy) - Overlooking the city of Addis Ababa.

Sabahar Silk Factory

2011-02-20T09:30:00.001-06:00

One of my stops in Addis was the Sabahar Silk Factory. The fabrics are absolutely gorgeous, with so many colors and textures to choose from. By Ethiopian standards the items solid at the factory would likely be considered expensive, but a whopping $10 for a 100% silk scarf seemed pretty fair to me!

The silk is called "eri" silk and is hand spun from the cocoons from eri caterpillars. Eri silk worms are laid as tiny eggs. A few weeks after they are laid, they hatch into tiny worms. For three weeks they continue to grow into fat, two-inch worms. The grown eri silk caterpillars produce white cocoons. After about two weeks, the eri silk worm emerges from the cocoon as a butterfly. The butterflies mate and lay eggs and the cycle begins again.

Merkata Market

2011-02-18T16:20:00.001-06:00

Of all the places I saw in Addis Ababa, the Merkata Market was, by far, the most fascinating for me. I could have spent hours there just people watching and taking in all the movement and goings-on. It is known to be the largest open market in Africa - it's HUGE - it doesn't seem to ever end. My best description of the Merkata would be "organized chaos" - at first glance it seems completely chaotic, but as you look more closely it reveals carefully organized sections with different areas for different products - clothes, produce, spices, plastics, hardware, metals, fabric, etc...

You know when people say "the pictures don't do it justice", well, that has never been more true than these pictures. This is the place I want Chad to see more than anything.

Adama

2011-02-17T08:30:00.002-06:00

The drive to Adama was incredible. I took so many pictures along the way, it was difficult choosing which ones to post. The landscapes, the contrasts, the diversity, everything was so amazing to see.
Here are a few shots of the city of Adama. We did not spend a lot of time around Adama. And admittedly, site seeing was the furthest thing from my mind as we arrived. I can hardly remember much of that day - I saved all my memories of that day for my time with Seth, which of course are etched in my heart and mind forever...
These pictures are as close to Seth's orphanage as I could get. The sign, the road, and the entrance gates...We hope to go back on our return trip and take some of the inside, so we have something to show Seth about where he lived in his first 18 months of life.

More to come...

My Family, by Sara

2011-02-14T22:00:00.000-06:00

BEST words EVER - "This case has been closed."

2011-02-10T09:25:00.001-06:00

It is not the "he's yours" that most adoptive parents hear while sitting in the judges chambers in Ethiopia as she grants the adoption order, but reading the words "this case has been closed" sounds just as beautiful to us.

We received Seth's printed adoption order this week. It is the most beautiful piece of paper I have ever seen. After I read it I became overwhelmed with a surge of unexpected emotions. Seeing these words makes everything SO real. I finally feel more excitement than anxiety for the first time in a very long while.

Seth IS our son and he IS coming home. Right? (well, still always a little guarded)

We are still waiting to receive Seth's birth certificate and passport, which we have been told takes up to three weeks after court. Once we have these documents they will be sent to Nairobi, Kenya to the Canadian High Commissioner's Office and they will process his travel visa. We are being told that visas are taking anywhere from 2-6 months. We really want him home for his 2nd birthday at the end of May - we will wait and see.

Kisses

2011-02-07T17:00:00.003-06:00

After we passed court, Seth received a package of gifts that we put together for him. I of course had hoped to give these gifts to him myself, but had to leave them behind with the staff in E in hopes that he would someday get them.

We selected several items for Seth - some with meaning, others just because. In his package we had a blanket that Chad and I slept with for several months prior to court. Sara would tell everyone that "the blanket smells like Canada, so Seth knows what we smell like". We put together a small album of photos of Chad, Sara, and I. We picked two toys, one to help his development (stacking rings) and one just for fun (a little dump truck). I threw in an outfit at the last minute, which he is wearing in the photos (but did not realize that it would be featured in the pictures or I would have picked something with a bit more thought). And Sara made him a special Build-A-Bear that she picked out and made wishes on for her new little brother - when Seth presses the arm of the stuffy, he can hear a special message from each of us that says "Sara loves you...Mommy loves you...and Daddy loves you too."

Last week, we received several pictures of Seth with the package of items we left for him. It was fun to see him with everything.

This one is our favorite photo of the bunch, even though you can't see his face, it is just so precious - he is kissing the stuffy that Sara made for him. I wish I was that stuffy...

Meet our SON...then and now.

2011-02-04T13:30:00.002-06:00

Seth Biruk Genet
his name means
Appointed One - Blessed - Heaven

Seth at referral 13 months.

Seth at 16 months.

Seth TODAY, at 20 months.

P.S. I can't believe I am able to share these with everyone!!! FINALLY!!!

Confession Friday, February 4

2011-02-04T05:00:00.005-06:00

I confess that I've been very anxious since we heard about passing court, even more so then before court. We have not heard a peep from anyone since then - no news is good news, right? I just need to know things are moving - something - anything.

I confess that I have not made a decent meal for my family in months. I wonder how much longer we can live on toast and cereal for almost every dinner?

I confess that I always call Sara "my favorite", but since we passed court I now tell her that she is "my favorite girl". Cuz now I have MY FAVORITE BOY!!!!

I confess that the last thing I will be doing on Sunday is watching the Superbowl game. Unlike my husband, who has been planning his entire year around this single event. Who could possibly care about a stupid football game that much?

I confess that Sara has two birthday parties this weekend and I plan to nap while she is at both of them.

I confess that I LOVE Smartfood Popcorn. I can eat an entire BIG bag in one evening - sometimes it's my dinner on the weekend. Chad thinks it smells like vomit and refuses to touch the stuff, but I can get enough of it. I find that people either love it or hate it.

I confess that I have a crush on Spencer from iCarly...

I confess that I have been stessing about a snowsuit for Seth next winter. Yes, of all the things to worry about. I woke myself up the other night worrying about what size of snowsuit I need to buy for him next year. Cuz God forbid I buy one at regular price next season. I need to go shopping NOW to get something ON SALE!!!!!!

I confess that I could not have survived my stay in Ethiopia without Alicia, Cathy and Dave. They were my life support and kept me in check for the days following court. Thank God for amazing people.

I confess that if I really like something, I often buy it in multiples - shoes, shirts, pants, socks, underwear - if one is good, two or three or four is better! Sometimes I will buy the same exact color of the same thing, but most times I buy things in multiple colors.

I confess that I will begin sharing pictures of my trip to Ethiopia soon.

Overwhelmed

2011-01-31T15:00:00.002-06:00

I am overwhelmed with gratitude. The out pour of support and compassion we have received is truly awe-inspiring; we are so blessed. We have people celebrating from one end of the country to the other and everywhere in between. We have so many amazing family and friends, we just cannot thank you enough. And it is even more overwhelming that we have people we've never met before invested in our well-being, all praying and crying and celebrating this moment with us.

I am overwhelmed with the kindness of humanity. For the court to see what was happening to us, to fight for us, to side in our favor and to grant the adoption order. Words of thanks could never suffice the feelings I have for this compassion.

I am overwhelmed with disbelief. Strangely, through this whole experience it felt like I was living someone elses life and that what was happening to us wasn't real, and now that things are in our favor, I'm still feeling this way. But instead of living a nightmare, I need someone to pinch me to know I am not dreaming and we really have a SON...

I am overwhelmed with relief. An emotional, mental, and physical weight has been lifted. I can't believe that we are actually talking about Seth coming home again. It feels scary and comforting both at the same time.

I am overwhelmed with fear. Fear that something will still go wrong. I know most people do not know the details of our story and it may have seemed that it was only a matter of time that we would have a positive outcome, but this news was truly unexpected and was not the way most families pass court. It really is a miracle that we can call Seth our son. I am still a bit stunned and guarded - we will continue to expect the unexpected and will not rest until he is finally home.

I am overwhelmed with exhaustion. We have had three months of emotions bottled up and pushed away, and finally my mind is racing with everything possible - good, bad, and everything in between. We had already begun to say good-bye, and now I have every possible feeling and emotion rushing through my body. You would think I would finally have a good night sleep, but instead I literally lay in bed ALL NIGHT LONG worrying and wondering, and still praying and hoping.

I am overwhelmed with love. My sweet precious son is a miracle. I love him so much it hurts.

Wishes, dreams and miracles...

2011-01-28T09:15:00.001-06:00

Chad has his son.

Sara has her brother.

Seth has his family.

I have my miracle.

Confession Friday, Jan 28

2011-01-28T00:00:00.005-06:00

I confess that we have no idea what to expect this morning - it could all be over or it could just be the beginning.

I confess that I could not stop laughing after we heard that our last court date was postponed - Chad thought there was something seriously wrong with me, but crying and screaming just seemed too obvious. I actually chuckled throughout the entire day at the ridiculousness of it all. It sometimes feels like it isn't even happening to us - that this is someone elses story and not our own. Can you say "disassociation"?

I confess that I have sometimes been avoiding people lately - pretending not to see them, walking in the other direction, acting really busy or rushed, etc. - anything to avoid having to tell them what's been happening, or should I say, what's NOT happening.

I confess that I have a couple of very special friends that I have met through this journey who have been much more than just email support over the past few months. Nothing is off limits, nothing is the wrong thing to say, and censoring is not an option. All the good, the bad, and the ugliest of uglies are exchanged. They have not wavered or ran away from the awfulness of our situation. They listen to me cry and scream through my words and I never have to feel badly for it. They don't try to "fix" or sugar-coat or give me false hopes - they are real and honest, but compassionate in their delivery. Thank you my dear friends - I know you know who you are.

I confess that it is Chad's birthday today and as of Thursday afternoon (when I'm writing this), I have still not bought his gift. But hopefully it won't matter if or what I get him, if we receive an unexpected miracle tomorrow...what better gift could there possibly be.

I confess that we booked our Vegas trip!

I confess that I have watched seasons 1 through 5 of Greys Anatomy over the last three months and just started season 6 . I cried and cried and cried at the end of the last episode of season 5 when Meredeth realizes that the guy that got ran over by the bus is George, and he and Izzy are both dieing and you don't know who will live - Oh, it was just too much. Like I haven't cried enough lately...

I confess that I hate the word "hump", I don't like the way it sounds or what it means - I think it is a really terrible English word...

I confess that we have a cleaning lady that comes every two weeks. And Chad and I spend the whole evening before running around the house tidying up and getting ready for her?????? Doesn't this defeat the whole purpose of having someone clean our house? Although she still seems to find 3 hours worth of cleaning...

I confess that Sara brings home SO much paper, clutter and "art" from school that we often end up throwing most of it away without her knowing. But when she sometimes finds it in the garbage we usually say "Oh, the cleaning lady must of done that." We just don't have the heart to say that we threw it away. Come on, there is only so much stuff we can keep.

Oh My Sara

2011-01-26T10:25:00.003-06:00

"Mommy, you know that four would be a nice number for our family, but three is a pretty good number too!"

"Do you think Seth knows that I would be the best big sister ever?"

"You know Mommy, even if Seth doesn't come home, we can still love him in our hearts."

"If Seth doesn't come home can we finally get a dog?"

"That Seth, he's a little stinker for not coming home."

"It's OK if Seth doesn't come home - you have ME - and remember, I'm your favorite anyway!"

I wish we could all have the wisdom, logic, and confidence of a six-year-old...

Not even surprised

2011-01-25T07:30:00.001-06:00

Guess??? Just take a wild flippin' guess...

Postponed to January 28, 2011.

Also Chad's birthday and Seth turns 20 months old...

An answer, but...

2011-01-21T08:45:00.009-06:00

A decision was made today, but it was not the one we wanted to hear...

We were then told that a new court date was set for the 25th, but we have no idea what this means considering an answer was already given...

This is beyond anything I could ever possibly try to understand. The pain is strangling me.

Confession Friday - Early Edition (cuz I'm not sure how I'll be feeling tomorrow)

2011-01-20T09:30:00.001-06:00

I confess that I am posting this on Thursday, cuz I'm not sure how I will be feeling tomorrow after we hear about court.

I confess that this will be a short confession because I have had a extra tough week since our last court date.

I confess that I know the words to most Ronnie Milsap and John Denver classic songs. My parents were huge fans in the 70's and these songs played on cassette tapes in the car all the way from BC to MB (and back again) every summer.

I confess that I lived in Smithers, BC until I was 9 and then moved to Winnipeg, MB and have been here ever since.

I confess that I love being tall. I am 5'9". I find it very intimidating when I have to look up at someone to speak to them, especially tall women - It's just not something I am used to, so it feels unfamiliar and awkward.

I confess that we (cuz Chad had to help) finally RESCUED THE PRINCESS and afterward Sara said "That's it? That's all it does?"

I confess that Chad and I are planning a trip to Vegas this spring.

I confess that I hope and wish and pray that tomorrow brings wonderful news.

Confession Friday, Jan 14

2011-01-14T08:00:00.004-06:00

I confess that I found out about 10 minutes ago that our next court date has been scheduled for January 21 - one whole long week away - minutes feel like hours and hours feel like days...

I confess that I had hoped and prayed and wished for this confession to bring good news, but it is mostly filled with sad and pathetic thoughts.

I confess that I am now eating my words from a previous post View from the Top.

I confess that I would go back to the pain and hurt of infertility and the bankruptcy in a heartbeat to replace the pain and hurt of what we are living through right now.

I confess that last weekend Sara and I dressed up in "fancy" clothes, did each others hair, make-up, and painted nails, then danced around the living room to an entire Justin Bieber CD. I looked like a clown gone terribly wrong, but Sara was in her glory.

I confess that we need an answer. Any answer at this point. Postponements mean limbo and limbo mean we cannot move forward and not moving forward is beyond torture.

I confess that Tuesday is my least favor day of the week. It's a nothing day with no end in sight.

I confess that I would never wish what we are going through on my worst enemy, yet I have to watch my husband, daughter and family suffer through it everyday.

I confess that I am worried about what all this is doing to Sara. She said the other day "Mommy, I am very sad that I am not going to be a big sister. I miss Seth so much, and he will miss me too, right?"

I confess that Sunday will be six months since we received our referral and everyone in the same referral month as us are now home with their children - and this really hurts.

I confess that I drink over 3 litres of tea each day. Yes, 3 litres.

I confess that Chad and I are going out on a date tonight. Our house has been pretty quiet lately - there's not much to say really. But we need some "us" time, to celebrate the happiness we DO have - together as a couple and as a family.

Why? Why? Why?

2011-01-12T08:10:00.007-06:00

Postponed again until next week - still waiting to find out exactly when.

Why us? It just hurts so badly.

Confession Friday, Jan 7

2011-01-07T09:30:00.000-06:00

I confess that we celebrated New Years at 11:00pm and I was in bed just after 11:30pm.

I confess that every night before our court dates I have laid in bed awake all night counting the time difference between us and Ethiopia and wonder if our fate has been decided - "1am here is 10am in Ethiopia, maybe", "4am here is 1pm in Ethiopia, likely", "7am here is 4pm in Ethiopia, definitely", etc.

I confess that I check my email, blog, and forum a few times each hour. Pathetic I know.

I confess that my blog has just reached over 250,000 hits. However, after my last confession, I can safely say that I likely make up quite a few of those hits myself.

I confess that a very dear friend of mine sent me the most beautiful pendant (it says "Mother" in Amharic) in September and I wore it almost everyday, but put it at the bottom of my sock drawer when I arrived home from Ethiopia and have not looked at it since.

I confess that I have been a one-way blogger lately. I have been posting from time-to-time but have not been reading or commenting on many others.

I confess that I think all the time about where we would be right now if we would have passed on our first court date.

I confess that I did not send out Christmas cards this year, for the first time ever, and now I'm feeling guilty.

I confess that my 6-year-old daughter is in love with Justin Bieber. Like IN LOVE LOVE LOVE. She talks about him non-stop and when she watches his videos on YTV her face goes red and she hides under a blanket where just her eyes are showing. She received a Justin Bieber board game from our friends for Christmas and I have played that bloody game about 50 times already. Did you know that Justin Bieber has a dog named Sammy, his favorite color is purple, his bodyguards name is Buddy, he plays the piano and guitar, and his middle name is Drew...

I confess that I know way too much about Justin Bieber.

I confess that I HATE winter and that January is my least favor month, cuz it's still a long way to spring.

I confess that our life right now would make a great "Based on a True Story, Made for TV Movie", but not the Hallmark kind.

I confess that I bought Sara her first pair of skinny-jeans at Christmas. I have avoided buying them for over a year, but I finally succumbed after the billionth ask.

I confess that I am debating training for the full marathon again. I better decide, cuz I will need to get my ass in gear very soon.

I confess that I desperately want to see new pictures of Seth, even though we know he might not come home - he may not be our son, but he is still our boy.

I confess that the situation we are currently in is much more complex than missing or updating paperwork.

I confess that I prepared most of this post the same day I posted my last confession.

Confession Friday, Dec 31

2010-12-31T10:30:00.003-06:00

I confess that I stole this post idea from Rana.

I confess that I have been completely overwhelmed and beyond grateful for all the support we have received over the past couple months and comforted that we have so many amazing people sticking with us through this long drawn out painful chaos.

I confess that all I want to do for News Year Eve is hibernate.

I confess that I purchased a WAY too expensive purse for myself and am in love with it.

I confess that I am so so so so happy for Rana and Yvan to FINALLY be bringing their sweet boy home! Finally Finally Finally!!!

I confess that the extreme stress I have been under lately is the best weight-loss program ever, too bad I feel like shit. I have two levels of stress - Level 1: "Oh that really ticks me off and I can't stop thinking about it so I'm going to eat my face off and maybe that will make it go away" stress, and Level 2: "Oh that hit me across the back of the head and I didn't even see it coming and the thought of eating makes me ill" stress. I've been in level 2 for a couple months now.

I confess that I want to vomit into my computer almost everyday and tell you everything about the hell we are living, but cannot...

I confess that I have not exercised since the summer.

I confess that I think about the time I spent with Seth everyday. I can still feel his soft skin and hair and see his big beautiful smile.

I confess that I bought something at Lu Lu Lemon a couple days ago, not because I loved it or needed it, but because it was on sale.

I confess that my thumbs are numb from playing Sara's new Super Mario DS game. The other day Sara asked me "Can I please have a turn?" Mark my words people, I will rescue that frickin' princess if it kills me, unless my thumbs fall off first.

I confess that I can always be more hopeful for other people than I can for myself.

I confess that I am feeling guilty for not going to church on Sundays more often (thanks Mom for reminding of this each week :))

I confess that I can't wait for NFL football season to end.

I confess that I like watching iCarly with Sara. OK, and SpongeBob and Hannah Montana.

I confess that I have a 1000+ more confessions and could go on and on and on and on...

And again...

2010-12-30T08:00:00.001-06:00

Postponed again until January 12, 2011.

No words, just numb.

One more sleep

2010-12-24T11:00:00.004-06:00

Sara is so ready for Santa to come...and has the list (several in fact) to prove it! And she even brought her list with her to see Santa so she (or he) wouldn't forget anything...

Wishing everyone in my life a wonderful family-filled Christmas with much love and joy.

It's just a sliver, but I found some.

2010-12-22T13:50:00.007-06:00

We have recently been feeling more hopeful about things and to be honest I have no idea why - maybe it's from coming off our (mostly) worry-free holiday, or maybe it's the time of year, or maybe it's just another coping mechanism to get us though the next little while - who knows??? But having this hope is actually more scary then not having any at all, cuz now our expectations have been raised, our senses are on overdrive, some of the numbness is thawing, and it feels like we will crash even harder if things don't work out.

With this renewed hope, for the first time in almost two months, I let myself dream about our boy coming home the other night - I didn't even try to stop it, I just let the dream come. It was scary to let my heart open up that far, but at the same time, as I held him in my arms and rocked him to sleep in the dream, it felt so peaceful. And the other day, for the first time in a long time, I stopped and studied one of his photos we have hanging on the fridge...I looked into his big brown eyes and wished with all my might for him to be ours forever.

The following is taken from something I posted almost one year ago about my feels of "hope":

Hope. I most often associate the word 'hope' as something positive. Synonyms for hope include expect, trust, anticipate, wish, look forward to, desire, faith - All words that imply a strong belief in a positive future.

We use the word hope so freely in day-to-day conversations - "I hope it doesn't rain today." We sometimes use the word to be rude - "I hope you aren't planning on wearing that tonight?" We also use the word for things that will probably never happen - "I hope we win the lottery." And we of course, use it for more significant events - "I hope our baby comes home."

Hope is nothing more than having a belief in something that has not happened. There is no guarantee, promise or assurance in hoping. Hope means that we are waiting on or wanting something - that something has not happened yet and there is a chance that it may not. Hope can make us vulnerable, fragile, and exposed.

So why do we bother with hope?

Hope gets us out of bed each morning. Hope is sometimes the only thing keeping us going. Hope can never let us down. If you have hope, anything is possible.

Hope is sometimes all we have...

Escape from reality

2010-12-20T10:00:00.002-06:00

We decided that we needed to escape from life for a bit and booked an impromptu getaway with Sara to Mexico. We, of course, knew that we could only escape from our reality for a short time, but it was much needed for all of us. We were able to be together as a family and just be in the moment.

And thanks to Les, Dave, and Mari for making it extra fun!

Postponed again

2010-12-17T09:30:00.003-06:00

Court has been postponed again until December 30th...

I'd say "you have got to be kidding me?", but nothing surprises me anymore.

Court rescheduled

2010-12-13T08:02:00.005-06:00

Court was rescheduled to December 17. If we could kindly ask for everyone to keep praying...please.

Another critical date approaches

2010-12-08T18:50:00.008-06:00

Someone recently posted on an Ethiopian adoption forum I follow that November was the best month ever for Imagine families – I cried after reading that entry. I of course want nothing more then for every family to feel joy and excitement and to celebrate the announcement of every child, but we feel so far away from the happiness in the adoption world right now. It's like the ship has sailed without us, and no one even notices that we are missing.

I know we have so many people praying for and thinking about us and we are told daily that we are not alone, and this has truly been an invaluable comfort, but the reality is that we are the only family living through this experience right now.

As another critical date approaches we are left anxiously waiting once again. Our next court date has been scheduled for Monday, December 13th.

Hug someone

2010-11-29T11:40:00.002-06:00

This made me smile today...which I needed.

Not over yet

2010-11-25T12:20:00.004-06:00

We are still in limbo. No decision was made today. However, the judge has decided to send our file for further review. The judge does not have to be doing this for us - so why is she? We can only hope that she sees what is happening to us and is trying her best to make this right, even if the decision is still no in the end.

We do not have another court date set. We hope to know more about our timeline next week.

Things still do not look to be in our favor, but we continue to hold on to our hope until they tell us it is over.

For now we wait some more...

Thank you for the overwhelming support we have been receiving. Maybe, just maybe all your prayers, thoughts, positive energy, and vibes are doing something...so please don't give up on us - we still need a miracle.

I will likely continue to be fairly quiet, I hope you can understand. But please know that even though I am silent, I am feeling your love.

Limbo

2010-11-11T08:40:00.001-06:00

Things did not go well at court last Friday in Ethiopia and we are once again left in limbo with our adoption. It is not clear at this time what is going to happen.

Our next court date is scheduled for November 25. We predict that it will go one of two ways - it will end quickly and badly on the 25th, or we are in for a very long fight on our hands, with no guarantees of success.

We are broken and hurting. We feel like we are being tortured and punished. I touched him and kissed him...and now he is being ripped from our hearts.

Meeting Seth

2010-11-04T10:02:00.001-05:00

He’s as perfect as his pictures...

The drive to see Seth was about two hours South of Addis Ababa, in a city called Adama. The drive was crazy, zigzagging through traffic, with cars, vans, trucks, bikes, cattle, and donkeys. They have no traffic signals or signs, just horns that they continually honk. We saw three very bad car accidents where you could not even recognize the front from the back of the car, scary.

I was accompanied on the drive by the head nurse from the Transition Home and the gentleman that will attend court with me on Friday.

When we first arrived at the Kingdom Vision International Orphanage (or KVI Adama), two young children, about age 3, immediately came running up and hugged me and followed us around almost the whole time, always reaching out for more hugs. I met the director and few staff and gave them a bag of donations. Everyone was friendly and welcoming. Soon they escorted us to the baby room - there were three small rooms with about 20 cribs in total. Most of the cribs were filled with smiling bear-bummed babies (it was changing time for all of them).

As I entered the last room, one of the workers came from outside holding Seth. All of the six workers in the room were pointing at me and smiling at Seth saying “Mama, mama”. He was shy and put his head on the workers’ shoulder.

They laid a mattress on the floor and placed 7 babies, including Seth on the mattress. I was able to sit on the floor and interact with all of them. They were crawling and slobbering all over me – it was fun.

Seth was the biggest child in the baby room. He is beautiful, he has a wonderful smile. His eyes were bright and alert. He is not walking on his own, but could walk while hold someone’s hand. He looked and seemed very healthy, but smaller than I had thought – still wearing size 12 month clothes. I measured his foot with my hand; it was about 4.5 inches long (now I can start buying him shoes!!!!).

What I was not expecting during this visit was physical contact with Seth, BUT, along with the other babies, I was able to hold him in my lap, kiss him, stroke his face and hair, blow into his neck to make him smile, tickle his toes, and beep his nose. We played with a small container, where I would put it on my head and let it fall, he would give a big smile each time, and even bigger when I put it on his head. Then all the babies were trying to put it on their heads...so cute.

At one point, one of the workers came into the room and picked up one of the babies. Seth immediately started fussing and whining. I was told that this worker was the one Seth had bonded with. I asked her to join me on the floor with Seth and after she put down the other baby, Seth clung to her and berried his face in her shirt. You could see how much they cared for each other. I was able to get only one picture at the orphanage; it was one with this worker. It will be great to be able to show this to Seth while he is growing up.

I was here for only about 30 minutes, the time went by very quickly. They would not let me take any pictures of Seth, and trust me, I asked about a bazillion times.

The day I met Seth is a moment I will never (or want to) forget...

I asked and you delivered!!

2010-10-30T10:15:00.000-05:00

Thank you to everyone who contributed to the donation collection for the children in Ethiopia (and thank you to those who ran out of time but are working on collections for the next time). Keep it coming - we still have one more trip in the new year!!

My packing is well underway and I actually think everything will fit!! I am nervous, excited, and anxious all at the same time.

I am overwhelmed by the many people who are supporting and encouraging us along the way. We are not done yet, BUT this trip is certainly one giant leap in the right direction.

Bon Voyeur to All.

ONE MORE SLEEP!!!!!!

P.S. I'm teaching Chad how to post on the blog, so if you see a new one in the next week, he got it right!!

I knew it was too good to be true...

2010-10-28T17:00:00.002-05:00

F#%@ Buckets!!! Always a glitch. Always a problem. Always a catch. Always a delay. Always something. Always. Always. Always.

We have just been informed that we will NOT pass court on November 5, 2010. WHY? Let me explain...

So here is the deal, our agency is in the middle of renewing their licence with the Ontario Government - a formality that happens annually. We have been told that the Ministry of Women’s Affairs in Ethiopia will not provide the support letter for a family until this licence has been renewed. We can still make our appearance in court next week (thank goodness), but the adoption order will not be granted until the judge receives the support letter.

What this means for us next week...

I will (only) observe Seth prior to court, but will not have a visit with him after court. I am going to plead and beg to get at least couple pictures at the observation, even though technically we are not allowed.

And another kicker...We will be assigned another court date (after I am home) and the judge will grant the adoption order during that court date when the letter is present. However, it is very possible that our original court date of Dec 7 will remain as this new court date, which puts us no further ahead than before.

The bright side, cuz I have to look for one right now...

* At least we know now. No surprises on the day of court. It is what it is.

* If we knew this information on Monday, when our court date changed (BTW, we had a choice to keep our Dec 7th date), we would have still chosen to go next week.

* I will not have to say goodbye to him.

* The first time I hold Seth, I will be with my family - Chad, Sara, me, and our boy, all together.

"Put it in your heart"

2010-10-27T10:45:00.003-05:00

Mommy: "Oh, I hope I sleep tonight, I'm so tired."
Sara: "Why won't you sleep?"
Mommy: "Oh, just thinking about all the things I need to do before I go and all the things I will be doing when I'm in Ethiopia, like meeting Seth."
Sara: "Why don't you just dream about all that instead?"
Mommy: "Sometimes it's hard to get to sleep when you have lots on your mind."
Sara: "Well, what you need to do is take it out of your mind and put it all into your heart and then save it for when you see Seth. So, just put your hand on your head, like this, and take it from your head and then put it to your heart. See, now you can sleep!!!"

---------
Mommy: "Will you share your toys with the new baby?"
Sara: "Well, only the soft ones, like stuffies, so he can't hurt himself on all my good toys."

---------
Daddy: "What do you think we will say to the baby when we see him for the first time?"
Sara: "Party's over!! Time to go!!"

---------
Daddy: "Remember Sara, it might take our baby a bit of time to get used to daddy, and might want to be with mommy a lot."
Sara: "OK, but as soon as he is not scared of you anymore, I get to go back on mommy's team."

---------
And for a good chuckle...

After a lengthy discussion of different body parts...
Sara: "I know where babies grow too!"
Mommy: "Where?"
Sara: "In the mommy's tummy."
Mommy: "Well, not in the tummy, but under the tummy in the uterus."
Sara: "And you did not grow a baby in your tummy, right?"
Mommy: "That's right, my uterus cannot grow a baby."
Sara: "Hey, Mommy!!!! Did you and Daddy try that lovin' thing to get a baby? Maybe that might work!!!"
Mommy: "Do you mean 'make love'?"
Sara: "Yes, like when you go into bed and a baby comes out?"
Mommy: "We tried that, but it didn't work..."

OMG, I LEAVE ON SUNDAY

2010-10-25T13:55:00.000-05:00

That's right, you're reading it, just as I am still processing it!!!! Long story, BUT we have now been granted the opportunity to appear in court the same day as Seth's birthmom, which is NOVEMBER 5!!!!!! The judge originally wanted the Birthfamily and Adoption family court dates a month apart, BUT the judge changed her mind.

I found out only this morning. I have offically changed my flights and I leave on Oct 31 in the morning!!!!

IN ONE WEEK I AM GOING TO SEE MY BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT DO I NEED TO DO????? My brain is mush.

PLEASE DONATE - Crocs, Socks, and Underwear

2010-10-20T15:20:00.004-05:00

ETHIOPIA ORPHANAGE DONATION

As part of my travels to Ethiopia, I plan to visit several orphanages. WITH YOUR HELP, I am hoping to collect several key items/supplies that orphanages are in desperate need of.

IT’S EASY TO HELP!!
Just send any of the following items to me by December 1, 2010!!!!
(email me for mailing address lcmorrison@shaw.ca)

NEW or Gently Used Children's Crocs
(Orphanages would like Crocs because they are antibacterial, durable, easy to wash and care for, and fully protect little feet from disease.)

NEW Children's Socks NEW Children's Underwear

Shivers, Butterflies and Plans

2010-10-12T17:00:00.000-05:00

On Friday, the day after we received our court date, I was sitting in my office and I had the most intense feeling come over me. I was thinking about everything (as I always do), especially the fact that I would be meeting Seth in less than two months. I suddenly felt my entire body freeze - I had shivers everywhere, all the way from the inside out - my eyes became fuzzy - my head was cloudy - my heart skipped quickly - and the butterflies took over my stomach. It only lasted about a second or two, but it was so intense. It was not a bad or scary feeling, it was an anticipatory overwhelming feeling, like this IS all really happening!
-----------

We have busily been planning our trip to Ethiopia. Well, I should say "I", as I am travelling to court by myself - yikes!

This is how it is suppose to happen:

I am required to be in Ethiopia 3 days before court. I have already BOOKED MY FLIGHT - EEEEEEE, what an amazing feeling... I arrive in Addis Ababa on December 3. As of today, there are 51 days before I leave (but who's counting)...I can do that, right???

Prior to court, I will have an opportunity to see Seth for the first time. This visit will last only about 15 minutes, there is no one-on-one time, and NO pictures can be taken. It is an opportunity for me to observe him and ask few questions about his development.

I appear in front of the judge sometime on December 7. I believe there is no specific time set, I have to arrive in the morning and then just wait for my name to be called.

IF we pass court, we become the legal parents of Seth - AHHHHHH!!! He will be moved from his orphanage to the Imagine Transition Home. Once at the Transition Home, I will have a chance to visit with him. I will spend about 1-2 hours with him (and TH staff), give him his gifts, hopefully play a little, hold him (hug him, kiss him, touch him) if he lets me, and take a MILLION ZILLION pictures and videos.

IF we DO NOT pass court that day (or in other words, the court decision is delayed), I leave on my scheduled departure day, without another visit with Seth and not one single picture of him. Not passing court, does not mean that we will not become Seth's parents - it means that we do not pass court on that particular day (for example, a document is missing or clarification is needed on a document). My appearance/testimony would be logged and we do not have to reappear in court again. However, it may take days or weeks to acquire what is necessary to pass court. I pray that this is not the scenario that we are faced with.

I depart on December 10, arriving home on December 11.

Then what? We have chosen to bring Seth home as a Canadian Citizen (the other option was to bring him home with a Permanent Residency Visa). Seth documents will be sent to the High Commissioner in Nairobi, Kenya that processed immigration for Ethiopia (and several other African countries). Once Seth has been issued the appropriate travel documents, we (Chad, Sara and I) will travel back to Ethiopia to BRING HIM HOME!!! The wait between passing court and finalizing immigration papers can range anywhere from 3-6 months... I hope and pray that Seth is home sometime in March, but it is entirely possible that it may take months longer.

IT'S A DATE!!!!!!

2010-10-07T15:00:00.000-05:00

December 7, 2010 - That is the day we have been granted to appear in Ethiopian court to become the legal parents of Seth. I am so so so so so glad to finally know and begin to plan, but a little sad that it is still so far way.

More to come about our plans...

View from the Top

2010-10-05T09:30:00.001-05:00

I have had several people ask me "which has been harder, the wait for the referral or the wait now?" Before our referral, I had heard both sides. I had heard some people say that the wait before referral is harder than the wait after referral, and others say the opposite. This is how I see it... (and I give full credit for this analogy to my dear friend Janice).

Receiving a referral is like the view from the top of the tallest and steepest mountain. You have endured every bit of pain humanly possible for the hope of the most exhilarating feeling ever. You have climbed, scaled, tripped, and stumbled along the way, and many times thought of giving up and never thought you would ever actually make it.

But then, when almost all your energy and determination is gone, you reach the top and it is glorious - all the pain and suffering up to this point are (almost) forgotten in one single moment. You scream, celebrate, and throw your arms up in the air in thanks and wonderment and take in all the beauty around you - nothing can break you in this moment, it feels like you could climb the mountain a 100 times over to achieve this euphoric feeling.

Then, when your adrenaline has taken you as far as it can, you sit and contemplate your journey, and realize that although you have made it all the way to the top, you still need to get back down to the bottom.

You know that there is still a risk of injury and hurt, but you have survived all the elements now and going down a mountain is always easier and less exhausting then climbing up. So, right now I have begun my descent - I am still cautious as I round each corner and scale down the cliff, but going down does not look as scary to me as it does going up. I now have a renewed perspective and a definitive purpose to my journey.

My hope is that our court date is just around the next corner...

A Special Name for A Special Boy

2010-09-28T12:00:00.003-05:00

We have had a name picked out for a son for many many years now. We have never changed or wavered from this name. It is a name that is known, but not too common. There are very few people who knew the name we had chosen. For many years, as our friends and family would announce their children into the world we would breathe a sigh of relief as the name we had chosen still remained "ours".

On the day we saw our boy's face for the first time, we both knew that this would be his name, but for some reason I was still a little scared to share it with others - maybe we had kept it to ourselves for so long it felt like telling someone our secret, maybe I did not want people to judge or dislike the name because we love it so much, or maybe saying this name made him become more and more real, and I am afraid to fall too hard for him before he is legally our son.

But as the weeks have passed, saying his name has become more and more comforting and natural. His name is a part of our daily conversations and we love talking about him by name.

Seth is the name we call him and it means "Appointed One." His birth names will be his middle names and we will share these names after we pass court.

The Tag Team

2010-09-23T11:30:00.002-05:00

Before I start this post I need to first include a disclaimer that Chad is THE most amazing dad and husband anyone could ever ask for - he is dedicated, loving, affectionate, compassionate, and so much fun - he can make Sara and I laugh and laugh and laugh. This post pokes fun of his silly side.
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"Stop that you guys."
"Someone is going to get hurt."
"I'm not getting involved in this, sort it out yourself."
"If you guys make a mess, you have to clean it up too."
"Don't do that in the house, you might break something."
"Don't start that now, it's bedtime soon."

These are some of the voices of THE mom I often use when Sara and Chad get going on their playing. As much as I love watching them play, I sometimes feel like a single parent when something gets brewing with the two of them. But in the end, nothing can make Sara laugh better then a silly joke, game, or prank by Daddy.

However, there is one particular activity they do together that I just cannot give "the mom stamp of approval". This activity is a fairly recent one, like within the last 6 months or so, and it has now turned into a regular event on our living room floor.

It's wrestling...and not the competitive sports kind.

These are a few of things I have heard coming from my sweet baby girl's mouth (all heard from Chad originally) when a match gets going:

"Daddy, prepare for hurt!"
"Daddy there's a bird behind you, look that way...(CRASH)"
"Do you want to go to the hospital or the grave yard?"
"NOOOO, not the meatball."
"Mommy!!! Daddy is not playing fair."

I sit back watching this take place right before my eyes, shaking my head, and occasionally warning them about the potential consequences of their game - but most of the time I end up laughing along with them. I know I shouldn't, my mama brain knows better, but sometimes they are just too hilarious not to crack a smile.

Come on, just look at Chad's face, tell me these aren't hilarious (click on the pictures to make the collage bigger):

(thanks Ruth for the collage lesson)

Good News Bad News

2010-09-16T17:00:00.001-05:00

Whenever I am asked the question "Do you want the good news or bad news first?" I always ask for the good news first - softens the bad news most times. So here it is, the good news-bad news about our dossier and court...

The good new: Our dossier is FINALLY on its way to Ethiopia! Which is certainly a relief. Let's just hope it arrives safely (Did I just jinx myself?).

The bad news: Ethiopia court is no longer issuing court dates during closure; in fact, you had to have filed before the closure to get a court date, so in the end we never had a chance anyway. We have also been informed that we will not know our court date until at least mid-October (that is still another month from now). And to top it off, our agency files for court as files arrive at their Ethiopian office, not according to referral date, so we are officially at the bottom of the pile right now.

I'm trying to find the good in this bad...but I just can't seem to.

I promise that my next post will be a bit lighter (I have an idea brewing for one about Chad and Sara - stay tuned).

Still no court date in sight.

2010-09-14T09:30:00.003-05:00

We are two months post referral and we still do not have a court date. I am apprehensive to even complain about this, given that there are so many others with far more significant concerns and my guilt quickly sets in with "Well, at least we have our referral..."

But I have to look at this in relative terms - what this point in time means to me and stop comparing myself to everyone else. So I am not going to feel guilty (well maybe a little, it's human nature) about feeling sad about not having a court date. I see the picture of a beautiful boy and I dream of when I can call him "son" - anyone would. I have kept my distance from this little man - a coping mechanism, I presume. I keep him in a dream-like place, not yet ready to make him real.

Nothing about this journey seems fair, no matter where you are in the process - it is not fair that families have to wonder if and when a referral will come, it is not fair that some people wait longer then others, it is not fair that parents randomly receive visas no matter how long (or short) they have been waiting to hold their baby, and it is not fair that we can't dive right into the love we want to feel for a beautiful boy and swallow the excitement whole.

Court re-opens in less than two weeks and our dossier is STILL in Ottawa, it has not even made it to Ethiopia yet. And yes, I am pissed that everyone with July and now August referrals will all have court dates before us. And this will become even more real when all these families start travelling and we are not. We have been informed that at this point our court date will likely not be until November, that is over 4 months post referral!

So that's my rant - a bit selfish, maybe. But I needed to get it out. I generally try to stay positive and look at how far we have come, instead of how much further we have to go, but sometimes it's hard not to hope for better days - and I know everyone can relate to that, no matter where you are on this crazy ride.

Enkutatash 2003

2010-09-10T21:20:00.002-05:00

Happy Ethiopian New Year

Ethiopia still retains the Julian calendar - the year is divided into 12 months of 30 days each and a 13th month of 5 days and 6 days in leap year. The Ethiopian calendar is 8 years behind the Gregorian calendar and the New Year is celebrated on September 11th each year.

Enkutatash means the "gift of jewels". When the famous Queen of Sheba returned from her expensive jaunt to visit King Solomon in Jerusalem, her chiefs welcomed her bolts by replenishing her treasury with inku or jewels.

The festival has been celebrated each spring and marks the end of the rainy season. New Year's Eve is spent feasting and partying. On New Year's Day, the house is decorated with yellow Meskal daisies and girls armed with a kabero drum, go from house to house singing a special Enkutatash song. Enkutatash is also the season for exchanging formal new year greetings and cards or a traditional bouquet of flowers.